No suprise...

My temp dropped this morning, so more than likely AF will be arriving in the very near future. I am getting frustrated... As soon as she shows up I'll call my nurse at my first Dr's office to let her know, then I'm going to ask new Dr's nurse if there's another Dr. that can to the sonohysterography while mine is out on vacation. I mean really... all he needs are pictures of the shape and what it looks like. THEN if there is still something not kosher in there I don't have to wait all the longer to try again!! GRRR I am tired of waiting and I am not a patient person and if God thinks he's going to succeed in teaching me patience, it will never work and it will only piss me off more and make things a million times worse.

I am also giving up on any control whatsoever - throwing my hands up in the air.... this Dr. is known for being among the top RE's in the area, so if he says to take 100 mg and get tons of follicles and do the IUI, well he's more experienced than I, so whatever. If he's only willing to do 2 more IUIs... well that is why I am not doing another before the sonogram procedure... I don't want to waste it.

That's my vent of the day.... there may be more in the coming days due to AF...

New RE

So on Wednesday I met with my new RE, Dr. Odem. He is the head of the Reproductive and Endocrinology Department at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. Which from what I hear they are top ranking/elite so to speak. Even with that being the case, I am somewhat apprehensive. I am used to the way I was treated and handled by my Dr's office and there's a lot of differences. For example, he said that he would have still gone ahead with the IUI when my Dr. wouldn't because of the 6 follicles that were found. This Dr. does not do ultrasound monitoring or HCG injections prior to the IUI procedure. He also doesn't do most of the IUI procedures, it's done by his nurse. Part of me felt like he was poo pooing the way my Dr's office was going about the treatment. And maybe that's a good thing and he'll be much more aggressive in getting me pregnant. It sounds like he's willing to do 2 more IUI procedures with Clomid before having to discuss the next step and options. He suggested that if this cycle does not produce a positive pregnancy test that I take off my next cycle as the timing of a procedure he wants to do would end up being while he is out on vacation. (the last week of December) He wants to do a sonohysterography to determine if my uterus is truely shaped and the septum is truely removed in full.

Right now I don't know what I'm going to do... He wants me to up my clomid to the dose that produced 6 follicles and... I just don't know anymore. I don't want to go back... I'm just hoping I get a positive on Thursday and I don't have to deal with this change or future choices... that will impact more than just me.

and that's all I can say right now.....

2 ww now...

2 ww stands for 2 week wait.. there are many new abbreviations I've learned through my online support group. Hehe

Well the IUI procedure was done yesterday morning. Bryan had the highest count he's ever had! I am attributing that to the fact that he hasn't been able to use the laptop for a few weeks. Studies have recently come out linking laptops that use WiFi to low sperm counts. So he will not be using the laptop for a while.

We're just waiting and hoping now... that's about it for now.

Take 2

So today I got my surge and went down to see my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) and the ultrasound showed 3 follicles again. I got my HCG injection and was sent on my way. The insemination is scheduled for tomorrow at 10:20 am.

As part of my "power of positive thinking" I stopped at Babies 'R Us today and picked up some Preggie Pops and two little pull toys that attach to the handle of the carseat. No harm in that... if I don't get pregnant I'll just give them to my friend Erica to try! LoL

I am scheduled to visit with a new Dr. in St. Louis, MO on 12/14. His name is Dr. Odem and he practices out of Washington University, which I have heard is a good facility. Hoping that all I have to do is meet him, but glad that I won't have any breaks in my treatment if I do have to continue with treatment.

Saying lots of prayers!!!

Tired...

I'm so tired of everything... I'm tired of keeping track of my morning temp, I'm tired of tracking and timing my activities, I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of having to make appointments, I'm tired of bills, I'm tired of my job.... I'm tired of being around babies and pregnant people and hearing birth announcements and pregnancy announcements... I'm tired of giving out benefits on abortions and maternity care... I'm tired of having so many different emotions in a given day.

I feel guilty about the feelings that I have about others... I don't want to feel this way but I also know that it's normal, thanks to my support group. I don't like the jealousy and the distancing, but I can't help it. I find myself saying I don't care... but I do, and I should... but there's a part of me that just wants to throw it's hands up in the air and say I GIVE UP! Not on trying to have a baby and getting medical help... but I give up in understanding my emotions... I don't?! I mean I get it.. and I'm going to have them... and it's really not ME!? It's hard to explain.. and I'm sure this post looks like just a babbling blog... but Hey it's mine and I'll do what I want! lol

The Holidays are in full swing... I need to get our Christmas Card picture taken.. I'm not sure where to do it... our usual in front of the house shot, or somewhere else? I just don't know... I'm also participating in a Christmas Card mailing to the girls on my dailystrength.org infertility support group. I'm looking forward to sending out a card w/ my story along w/ receiving the same from others. It will make me feel special to have so many cards from so many people and in different locations but all with the same goal!

I have an appointment scheduled to meet with a new Dr. at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. It's going to be on Dec 14th @ 11am. Here's hoping we won't need to see him more than the one visit, but if 2nd IUI doesn't work I won't have to miss a beat.

Failed!

Well the first IUI failed. I had just a twinge last nite and just knew... I cried it out in the shower. I still went and had my blood pregnancy test done just in case, since it hadn't started to be a full on flow yet. I went and had the labs drawn at 7:30 am... thinking I'd find out pretty quickly what the results were, but didn't find out until after I called at 10:30am and the nurse had to call the hospital and get the lab results and she called back around 11 to let me know it was negative and to come in for the biopsy.

Sherry came down with me so I wasn't alone. I wasn't quite sure what to expect... would it hurt and I would be too uncomfortable to drive or be totally fine? Turns out it wasn't that bad. I was a little concerned that they wouldn't be able to perform the biopsy because it felt like my flow had started, but they said it would be alright, actually it would be less painful if I had started somewhat. So I laid down and the nurse said that the "numbing procedures" take longer than the biopsy itself. She was right... she put a numbing gel on the cervix and then used a spray can of Solarcain to numb the cervix. That caused a burning tingling feeling. The nurse held out her hand to me and said you can use this for the pain, I'll let you know when she's going to start. Well that freaked me out and I said HOW BAD IS THIS GOING TO HURT??? The nurse said it all depends on your pain tolerance. Well when she did the actual biopsy it was like an OH! feeling and that was it... Maybe just 5 seconds of discomfort or less. They had me then lay with my feet up on the table for a few minutes. When the nurse came back in she told me to sit up slowly and take my time getting up. I thought, why?? LoL I was totally normal and fine. I don't know if I truely do have a high pain tolerance or what, but it didn't seem to be as big a deal as they made it out to be. So yay me! heh

The reason for the biopsy is to determine if there is any endometriosis internally, if the lining is conducive to egg implantation, and verifying that the lining and ovulation timing is accurate. I'll find out the results next week....

Let the countdown begin...

I just got a call from my nurse and we have the biopsy scheduled for 2pm tomorrow, pending blood pregnancy test results. She is going to fax in a "STAT" order for the bloodwork to be done and sent to her ASAP, and if we have a negative I'll be heading on down to Springfield again. So I'm thinking positively... I either am pregnant YAY! or I get some extra time off for the holidays and we find out if there's anything else we need help with to have a successful pregnancy. Win win is that positive way to look at it.... Now to just get through this crappy late shift day....

Hard to stay positive....

So the plan to stay positive... and taking the pregnancy tests every day... kind of back firing. Seeing so many negatives has turned me negative.

I called and talked to my nurse at my RE's office this morning near tears because I still got a negative test and wanted to find out why they hadn't done the biopsy of my endometrial lining that was part of our original "plan of action" when I came to the clinic. The nurse said Dr. McRae wasn't in today, but she would find out tomorrow, and if she wanted to do that the biopsy would be done on Wednesday. She also told me not to cry... that's why it's a bad idea to take all the pregnancy tests (even if they were free!) because technically it wouldn't be positive until 14 days after the IUI which would be this Friday. I didn't tell her that it's also the damn temperature graph that makes me mental... I can never truely understand and read it, so I keep going back and forth comparing previous months looking for the most minute difference that could indicate that this is THE month!

The wait is arduous. The patience is thin... My faith is strong... My support is there in many forms... the strongest being dailystrength.org and my friend Erica - only because they are or have experienced similar IF issues. It's hard for people that haven't experienced it to relate or know what to say. I know many mean well... some don't know how to ask about it, or just don't have the time because they are busy with their own lives, but still I know they care.

It's just another notch in my belt, and just as my friend/mentor/3rd mom Cathy Gooding once said to me....this experience I am going through is going to help me support someone in the future that will go through the same thing or something similar and I will be the one sitting there providing guidance and support that will get them through some tough times.

Now.. we wait

The IUI was completed around 11:20am on 11/11/11.... I was put in a waiting room around 5 after 11. I heard the ladies out in the hall saying, "it's like a count down to new years!!" and it dawned on me that it was almost 11:11 on 11/11/11. I sat there thinking... hmm if they come in within the next 5 minutes our baby could be "made" at 11:11 on 11/11/11... but alas they had a little toast and celebration out in the hall together. Hehe So I'll have to settle with you were made around 11:11 on 11/11/11. lol The procedure went well and the processing of the sperm brought the levels up much better. I think this could be quite promising! My sister had a friend or co-worker that had the IUI done, and due to the HCG injection you're given any pregnancy test you take will give a false positive, so she took a test every morning until she got a negative, then she knew if the next one was positive that she was pregnant. I am following in those footsteps thanks to my friend Johanna that passed along a large bag of ovulation test strips, which also happened to contain quite a few pregnancy test strips. Johanna, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind! Considering they expire next year anyways ;o) hehe

Regardless of my results I'll be doing a lab test next week to check my progesterone levels to make sure I truely did ovulate (which I know I did because I could feel it) and then on 11/23 I have a written prescription for a blood pregnancy test. My nurse is so cute and funny... she wrote on the prescription to run the test state and fax results ASAP!! LoL That's right I want to know ASAP! It will make for one of the most Thankful Thanksgivings I've ever had!!

Bring on the wait!!! I am enjoying feeling more positive about the situation. Bryan encouraged me to stop in the mall for a mini makeover, which after it was done he called it my mommy makover. We're both looking at it as a positive already! And why not? It will be ok if it doesn't happen... we'll just try again, but I don't want to think that way yet.

Positive Appointment!

The appointment went well. I was very greatful that I didn't need Sherry there for comfort after hearing bad news, it was great news! While the ultrasound was underway all I kept hearing was measurements over and over... and I kept thinking oh no! How many are there this time? "We're moving to the right side now...." more measurements being called out... Ultrasound is done and the nurse gives me a smile and a thumbs up. The doctor said everything looks beautiful and perfect. I have 3 follicles and we are GO for the insemination tomorrow. The soonest we can get there is 10am tomorrow, so it'll take 1.5 hours to process Bryan's sample and then it will be injected into the uterus and a cervical cap will be put into place to prevent any wrong way turns and escapes of the little soldiers. I just have to remain positive and keep praying that it's only going to take one try!!!

Staying positive and optomistic!!!

Power of Positive Thinking....

So I have found support, strength, and comfort from an online support group for infertility. One of the girls recently posted something that really hit home. I really need to focus on the positive and not the negative.

"I studied psychology in college and I have been discovering new forms of healing for things like TTC and Infertility. It's mental, and it's apparently worked for people for things like curing diabetes by exercising and losing weight, giving up smoking, etc. Something I have recently started doing is to do things to prep for having a baby, before I even conceive! So many of us women are so used to telling ourselves we can't get pregnant or it's not happening, etc. We instead need to be optimistic. One way of tricking your brain into making your body do what you want is through slow, small steps that progressively aim towards the goal you wish to receive. For example: I want to get pregnant. I've started doing little things in preparation for having a baby. A few things you can do is to buy some baby clothes. Not a lot and not too often. Something small, inexpensive, here and there. Maybe buy a baby bottle one week and add it to a "baby" bin. (something devoted just to your future baby) A couple days later, you see the baby section at the store. Instead of quickly walking away because it's too painful, walk over proudly, look at the things you would get if you were already pregnant. Maybe buy a pair of socks or a onesie, or a pack of baby wipes. I recently bought a baby book and a baby frame. I plan to start writing letters and putting them into the baby book so my future child can read the struggles I went through to conceive him/her, and how much he/she means to me. The frame is aimed for my mother, so that when my husband and I found out we are pregnant, we'll take a picture of the first ultrasound and put it in the frame to give my Mom. The frame says "Grandma Loves Me" and we plan to use this to give her the happy news when we do get our BFP. These little things trigger a response in us. Our bodies are programmed to listen to our brains. As you're reading this, your brain is telling your eyes to move to each new word. It happens instantly. Think about this: we are so used to receiving negative HPT's and heartbreaking news that we almost lose hope. Our brain listens to what we say and in turn, over time, our body responds. I have said out loud and to myself for the last 2 years that "we aren't going to be able to have a baby. I'm giving up." and what do you know? My body has listened. I'm not saying this a cure in ANY way, but hell, it's worth a try. And best of all? It's positive, it's inexpensive, and it allows us to keep our dreams in our lives. I made a promise to myself, my husband and our future child that I will no longer say "We can't." Instead I will say "We will." And dammit, I will make myself believe it. I will do good things for my body. I will pray, practice yoga, take my vitamins, and slowly, build a collection of things for our unborn child. When that times comes for each of us, it will be that much more amazing. What's your positive new approach for TTC/IF? God Bless and BFP's to all you wonderful women out there! "

So after reading that I decided not to be upset or afraid to go to the baby section in stores and it's ok to look at maternity clothes. Since it's my Birthday and I'll do what I want to.. I checked out the maternity section at Kohls and found a tank top and kahki pants that after using my $10 kohls birthday money only cost $3.62. I was on a mission to find a maternity top that ADVERTISED that I am pregnant, but couldn't find one... Go figure Walmart/Kmart/Sears (the most likely to have an in your face I'm pregnant shirt) no longer have maternity sections. My last stop was Bergners... The maternity section was quite small, but I did find a single rack that said "Yellow Dot Sale $2.99." Well when I looked at the rack it had very nice tops, jeans, jean shorts, and dressier capri pants. I had to have the sales lady do a price check before I went wild! LoL I got 3 tops and a pair of shorts, black capris, and a pair of jeans for $19.33. I told my friend Erica about the sale and she went out there on her lunch and likely finished off the rack that I left behind. LoL

Now I just need to get through the next two weeks to get my positive results!!! =o)

Scheduled

Well I called this morning and got my appointments scheduled. I will be going down with my mother-in-law on Thursday for an appt at 9:20am and the insemination is tentatively scheduled for 10:40am on Friday depending on how the follicles look, may need to be done Saturday. Time will tell. I just need to get through today... the dreaded late shift. Then it's off tomorrow for my Birthday and off Thursday for my appt. and I'm hoping Friday too!!! LoL

That's the update for now.... I'm super anxious!!!! (but hate to get too hopeful, so it's not too bad of a let down)

Just a few more days...

I took my last dose of clomid yesterday. Now it's a waiting game until I get my surge, but that should be on Thursday. Which I'm totally ok with... that'll give me a nice loooong birthday weekend. See somehow God planned it all out very well for me, and I hope it goes according to my plans too... I am taking my first/last 8 hours for the year to be off for my birthday on Wed. (if I didn't use it on my birthday then the pto would be used just for Dr's visits.. and who wants that??) So I'll be using all my birthday coupons that I keep getting from stores like Starbucks, Qdoba, Kohls, Victoria Secret... and likely others to come! LoL And then... Thursday should be my trip down to Springfield for the ultrasound and HCG shot to force the release of the eggs, which I am praying I don't have too many again and I am worried because of the pain in my right side this morning... Friday would be insemination day. So we may not give birth to a child on 11/11/11, but we'll know that he/she was likely conceived on that day! LoL Wait until they grow up and we tell them that.... though I guess it won't be as gross because it's not involving mom and dad actually doing it. =o\

I am also hopeful that I will be chosen for atleast an interview for an office position that opened up at Gully. I sent my resume in on Monday and called on Thursday to verify they had received my resume and they had. Sherry taught both of the owner's children, so I'm hoping they will recognize the last name and it might put me in higher favor. Who knows? I just reaaaaaally want to get out of my stupid job w/ BCBS and never look back!

New cycle

Well Aunt Flow did arrive for her scheduled visit. She's kind of like me.. always wants to be early or on time, NEVER late. heh I'm working on staying positive and not getting down. If we do get pregnant this cycle I would find out exactly 5 days from when Bryan and I got engaged, so maybe that's what we've been waiting for? I don't know... I sure hope that I'll be able to engage in conversations with my friends again. I find it hard when the conversation is constantly pregnancy this and pregnancy that.. or baby this or baby that. I just can't relate and have little to no input at this time.

Hopefully the plan for this cycle will work out better than last time. Only time will tell....

Waiting...

So I guess I forgot to post the results from the Dr's visit on Friday. I went down and had another ultrasound done and it showed some free fluid in my abdomen still from where they cysts had ruptured, which the Dr. said was normal. They did a progesterone test to verify if I ovulated or not, because if I didn't then they were going to prescribe a medication to force it to start. If I hadn't ovulated and still had a period it would not have shed the lining completely as it should and that's why they would require the medication. Thankfully... my body did it's duty and I did ovulate on my own. If by some miracle my husband's few/lazy sperm did find their way to one of the many targets... we may get pregnant semi-naturally, but they didn't provide any feedback on those odds. They probably didn't want to get my hopes up, which I always try not too...I am on time to start my next period on Thursday of this week. Part of me wants to start taking pregnancy tests now, but the rational part says don't waste your time or money... UGH! I will be very glad when this is all over.... We're going to use a half dose of clomid this cycle, so hopefully I don't get as many follicles and we can actually try the IUI.

Next Appointment

It's been a while since my last post, but for good reason. I had intended asking my Dr. while at the appt Friday about some discomfort I was having and it became quite unbearable Saturday morning and I had to go to ambulatory care and leave my dad at home. About an hour and a half later I was home with a prescription for a bacterial infection... I felt quite sick and like I had to use the bathroom most of the weekend.

I had a lot of fun with my dad here and wanted to show him a good time out at Tin Dusters, but after a couple of hours my discomfort was too much and I couldn't even eat without feeling sick to my stomach. We did go to my friend's house that night and I was ok if I sat still and kind of lounged back so I wasn't straight up and down. It was so fun seeing my dad enjoying himself with our friends. I am so blessed with the wonderful group of friends that we have.

I was feeling even worse on Sunday, and Bryan was such a sweetheart he brought me lunch and got two redbox movies to watch and I spent the day on the couch with a heating pad and could not sit up or stand for long without feeling like I would get sick out one end or the other.

I felt not a bit better Monday morning.. so I went and got my permanent crown put on as scheduled, knowing I would be laying down for the procedure and drove straight to ambulatory care again. I saw a different doctor who ran a complete blood test checking kidneys, gallbladder, pancreas, and to see if I had plasma blood infection which can only be detected by the specific test. They did do a pregnancy blood test also, because I had a chest and stomach xray... they ended up determining the bacterial infection was just not responding to the previous medication and I also mentioned my issues with IBS, so I walked away with a new anti biotic, anti nausea meds, and something that would help w/ my IBS symptoms. Works for me...

Today I am so so... I have somewhat gotten my appetite back, as I couldn't eat much for the past couple of days.

I am finding out the joys of taking clomid... For the past couple of days my nipples have felt like needles are stabbing into them any time they are touched and are almost always hard at the tip. (Hey if you're reading this, again can't say I didn't warn you) I also forgot to take my BBT this morning... I don't know how they can interpret anything from that... But I still do it every morning, when I don't forget.

Just wanted to post up to date info... I will post results of the appointment tomorrow. I am having a progesterone test to verify for certain that I did ovulate, and then it's coming up with a plan for the future... I'm hoping we don't have another wasted cycle, as there are only 2 left before my dr's office closes.... =o(

An important discussion will take place today..

The title is what I read in my fortune cookie at lunch this afternoon. It was a nail on the head moment.

This morning I had my appointment to have an ultrasound to see how the ovaries responded to the clomid and get an HCG injection and get set up to have the artificial insemination done tomorrow. It was the partner of my Dr. that performed the ultrasound, and I was quite shocked when he got to the right ovary. He started on the left and it looked like 1 large follicle there and on the right he found 4 additional large follicles and one smaller one that he didn't think would produce an egg. They are each around 2 cm in diameter and when I asked if it's going to hurt when I do end up ovulating both the Dr. and the Nurse responded quite quickly saying "YES!" Guess they didn't want to sugar coat that for me at all. And I am already starting to feel it...

The Dr. strongly recommended we not do the HCG injection or AI this month and that I meet with my Dr. to go over the options for next month. It's quite disheartening to think that what I've been going through the past month was all for nothing. He did not want me to have the struggle of a multiple birth and have to "reduce" the number of babies. He also warned that if they did do the HCG injection there was the possibility of hyper stimulation problems.

We're just going to continue as usual and wait and see what happens.

I am so glad I had my friend Erica with me! I was able to cope much better with her help and advise, and I loved going to meet her horses afterwards! That was great therapy!

Patience...

Oh man... here comes the the next uphill climb on the rollercoaster ride...

I scheduled my visit with the Dr. this morning for Thursday at 8:30 am, which means I'll have to leave Quincy at 6:30 at the latest. I will be getting another ultrasound and then an HCG injection. The HCG injection promotes the follicles that have matured to release the egg(s). Then Friday Bryan and I will both be returning for the IUI procedure. I am anxious, nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. I am really hoping that this works out the first time. My nerves are frazzled.

On top of that I arrived home, after my dumb late shift, to find the only envelope in the mail is an EOB from the insurance applying benefits as out of network with my provider. Ummm I don't think so!!! I know she's in network, so I don't know what game they're trying to play. I HATE INSURANCE!!! I work for the insurance company and have to bite my tongue sometimes over the crap they pull. I can understand why people get upset, but at times they get upset over stupid crap and that just ticks me off. So yea now I have to call them first thing in the morning to get that straightened out. GRRRRR!!!! I'm sure it's some automated process... or the processors are too freakin' lazy to look into it... my claim from the same provider 8 days earlier paid in network. IDIOTS! So I have to try to be calm and patient.

Patience... boy am I ever sick of that word?? Be patient.. there's a reason you haven't been successful in getting pregnant... there's a job out there for you that's right, you just have to be patient. Well I am sick and tired of being patient and waiting... get me the HELL out of my job and into something where I can go to the bathroom when needed and I am not chained to my desk like a dog and they can just jerk around my hours and schedule as they please. Let me be part of the "Mommy" group and not be the left behind outcast...

Then it leads into the thoughts of "Why??, ect..."

Why not me??
Why not now??
Why can't I find a job?
What's wrong w/ me?
Do I not deserve this?
What did I do wrong?
How long is it going to take?

And hence the title of my blog... OY! Is it Friday yet? I want the weekend to start... hang out with my dad and keep my mind off of other things.

Starting the ovulation tests...

Tomorrow is the start of the ovulation test strips... I'm crossing my fingers that it happens on Thursday because that means the artificial insemination would take place on Friday, so I wouldn't have to worry about being home in time for when my dad gets here.

I have lost 11 lbs so far, so the diet has worked well. I am hopeful that it will continue, but I'm not being quite as strict as the phase 1 was. I'm anxious and nervous about the upcoming procedure. I had a dream last night that I went to the Dr. after having my positive O test and while there they said ok we're going to have to perform the insemination right now, but my husband wasn't with me so they said they'd just have to use what was there and I freaked out. It was weird, I can't remember all the details, but I remember not being happy. I really hope it works out the first time...

I'm also still waiting on finding a new job. I so wish I could get a call from the local Veterans home that is now hiring for an office assisant with awesome hours 7 - 3:30 M-F. Could it get any better than that? Probably not... heh I sure am glad that I took my state tests when I went down to Springfield for my first dr's appointment so that I could apply.

Well I will post updates as they come along....

Clomid...

Well I'm on day 2 and haven't noticed any side effects from the Clomid. I thought it seemed like I was excessively thirsty yesterday, but it wasn't that same today, so probably just a fluke thing. I warned my husband that if I say mean things or fly off the handle or start sobbing over a fluffy bunny that he can't hold it against me because one of the side effects is "moodiness."

I'm very anxious for next week already... I want to start watching for the surge, get it and have everything looked at and the flyer says the insemination is done 24 - 36 hours from the injection of the HCG hormones, so I am also really hoping that I get my surge on Thursday so it doesn't interfere with my dad's upcoming visit that weekend! He's coming down for Tin Dusters! I am very excited to have a visitor and looking forward to showing him how many cars really come to Quincy for the weekend.

That's about it for now...

Oh, and since I started the South Beach Diet I have lost 9lbs. But I gotta tell you the people that are "quoted" in the book as saying this is easy! I could do this all the time! are full of it. The first phase SUCKS! I hate it! I am sick of cheese, broccoli, asparagus, peppers, and the boooooring limited options for snacks: String Cheese, 15 Cashews, Celery sticks with peanut butter.. But oh my! What a treat... freezer burned (fresh from the grocery store) No Sugar Added Fudgcicles!! Oh YUM! I love having my treat while Bryan enjoys a Kemps Ice Cream Sandwich right next to me... LoL OY! I am ready for phase 1 to be done... So I can atleast get some fruit and good carbs back into my diet!!

Pharmacy Insurance Carrier... OY!!!

My pharmacy benefits are through a carrier called Prime Therapeutics, and boy are they a pain. I know they're supposed to be maintaining the same "high standards" in customer service that were are required to, such as: checking back with the caller every 2 minutes, anticipating needs to prevent call backs, and quoting the correct information.

I received my prescription in the mail this afternoon for Clomid. I drove to my usual pharmacy, Shopko, and while in the parking lot I decided to call my insurance to verify what my copay will be. If it is name brand it is $45 and generic is $15. Well I got a guy on the phone who asked my information twice, as though he wasn't listening, and then when I told him the medication and dosage he told me it would be $71.89, so I asked if the insurance is covering a percentage at all? It didn't look like it, so he had to put me on hold. It was 5 minutes before he came back to tell me he was still looking into it. Then another 15 minutes straight on hold, and he comes back to tell me that it's a specialty drug that has to be filled at a specialty pharmacy to get any coverage at all and it would be an $11 copay. Well.. that wouldn't work since I'd have to get the rx to the specialty pharmacy for them to send it, and mailing time... yea not likely to have it in hand Monday!! So... I go in to Shopko and give them the rx and ask them what they were charge. After waiting for another 15 minutes I find out it's only $29.90. ?? Ok fill it! My insurance told me they wouldn't cover it unless it was through a specialty pharmacy and without it it'd be $71. So they filled it while I waited. When it was ready it turned out the insurance did cover it and it was my generic copay of $15. OY!! The headaches of dealing with insurance. I know I give much better service than I received and that always bugs me too.

Atleast it all turned out for the better in the end, but just another frustration. Upcoming will be dealing the financial aspect of going through treatment and missing work. UGH! I hope it'll be worth it in the end and we'll be successful.

Some background on me....

First of all I must say, OOPS! on the spelling of the actual blog link, guess I typed too fast and spelled roller as rollar. Oh well!

So here's a little about me. I am a 28 year old female that has been married since July 28th, 2007. My husband and I decided we wanted to start a family around our 2 year anniversary. We have been trying since then. I come from a family of what we call ourselves as "fertile myrtles," but apparently I am not one of them.

I never thought I would be someone that would have trouble because my periods have always been regular and everything seemed normal. My husband does have counts that go up and down, but with being a truck driver and sitting all the time, that can cause issues.

I have also always struggled with my weight. I've always been a little on the bigger side, don't get me wrong I'm not OBESE visually, I hide it well, but my little Wii Mii will blow up on the Fit game and tell me, "You're Obese!" Thanks... thanks a lot! LoL But anyways... At one point of my life I did get some amazing self control, with the help of my mom, and get down to a size 7 and about 137lbs. Well... sadly that didn't last. I was back up to a size 12 by the time of my wedding. Earlier this year I got to the highest weight I've ever been and just felt trapped. I went to a hypnotist and lost 12 lbs. Which I gained back about 7 of it within a few months. My Dr. suggested that I lose atleast 10 lbs or more to get to a better place as they showed I was borderline metabolic syndrome. Which I think is like pre-pre diabetic. So I started the South Beach Diet as suggested and in 5 days I have lost 7 lbs. Phase 1 is not so fun... and I am getting so sick of cheese and stuff. I am making sure I stick to it though, so I'm hopeful to get under the 200lb mark this week. Yes... I am over that right now, but won't be for long!!!
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Well today is another hard day with regards to the pain of the cramps and I also have IBS, which always flares up during the change of seasons, so my plans to clean house and organize things has fallen to the wayside. I'm hopeful tomorrow I will feel more up to it. The pain was so bad that I spent 30 mins in the bathroom with a heating pad and a bucket in front of me because it was making me feel sick and every so often I thought I would pass out from the pain.

I have had that happen only once. While up at my lakehome in the fall I went into the bathroom and I remember turning around to close the door and I woke up wedged between the toilet and the vanity. My arm had knocked the toilet paper right off the roll and it landed somewhere nearby. LoL I wasn't out long, as no1 knew any better when I came out. (See I warned you it might get personal... heh)

K

well that's all I have for now...

First Cycle with Specialist has passed...

Today is day 1 of my next cycle. It was very disappointing to wake up this morning and find that I have started my period. I so wanted to complete all the tests and things that were planned by my Dr. for the first cycle, but with my period starting early I was not able to take the endometrial biopsy test.

I will backtrack now... Just before starting my cycle last month I went for my first appointment with my Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. McRae, to get some direction on where to go from here. Bryan and I had been trying for just over 2 years to conceive and it just wasn't happening, even after having surgery to remove the septum that was found in my uterus.

The first visit was so informational and I left ready to go with a plan. The first visit was around 2.5 hours long. It started with a 45 minute conference with Dr. McRae personally in her office going over my medical history and what we had tried to date, which wasn't much more than lots of sex, documenting on fertilityfriend.com, and occasional temperature graphs and ovulation test kits. In my past I have had many ovarian cysts rupture and at one point I was dx with a dermoid cyst. For many years I was uninformed that I had a bicornuate uterus, which as mentioned above ended up being a septum that nearly divided my uterus in two halves.

After the conference she decided to do an exam which included her personally performing the ultrasound to go over everything inside to see that it all looked ok. I was finally informed that the septum was gone and everything looked normal. Once the exam was complete we met in another conference type room to go over the plan for my next cycle. The plan was to start tracking my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) starting on day 1 of my period and to start the ovulation tests on day 12 of my cycle and once I had a positive result I had to have sex that morning and call to schedule an ultrasound to see if my follicles were functioning correctly and ig an egg had yet been released. Just a couple days from the appt. I had bloodwork done to check for things ranging from being a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene, thyroid problems, cholesterol, metabolic syndrome, and other such tests. Bryan and I also went down a week later for him to give a semen sample and for the two of us to have blood drawn for an Anti-Sperm Antibody test, which we received results as negative. So we were able to rule that out.

I was found to have an underproductive thyroid, so I was put on thyroid medication. When I got my LH Surge/Ovulation Test we did as told and called the Dr. to get in for an appt. When I went down they did the ultrasound and found that I hadn't released an egg yet, so I was given an HCG injection which would prompt the release of the egg. From there it was a waiting game... I was hopeful and looking forward to getting the results, as I was very tired and run down this past weekend. I've heard numerous times that when you become pregnant you are very tired for no reason. But, alas that did not happen.

The plan moving forward is for me to start Clomid on day 5 of this next cycle, Monday, keep taking my temperature and charting, and use ovulation tests. If I do not get a surge by day 15 I need to call and follow up with them. This cycle we are going to try IUI (intra uterine insemination)/AI (artificial insemination). It's certainly not how I would like to conceive, but if this isn't working and Bryan's results not being the best, this is likely the best chance we have, as I am not yet comfortable enough to consider IVF.

Today was day one of my cycle and I had to leave work due to the strong and painful cramps I was having. I talked to the nurse and she advised that it wasn't due to the injection, but the thickness of my lining. She stated that a normal lining of the uterus is .80 mm and mine was 1.27 mm, so because of that the the contractions and such that it takes to shed it are greater.

So we'll see where it goes from here....