So I have found support, strength, and comfort from an online support group for infertility. One of the girls recently posted something that really hit home. I really need to focus on the positive and not the negative.
"I studied psychology in college and I have been discovering new forms of healing for things like TTC and Infertility. It's mental, and it's apparently worked for people for things like curing diabetes by exercising and losing weight, giving up smoking, etc. Something I have recently started doing is to do things to prep for having a baby, before I even conceive! So many of us women are so used to telling ourselves we can't get pregnant or it's not happening, etc. We instead need to be optimistic. One way of tricking your brain into making your body do what you want is through slow, small steps that progressively aim towards the goal you wish to receive. For example: I want to get pregnant. I've started doing little things in preparation for having a baby. A few things you can do is to buy some baby clothes. Not a lot and not too often. Something small, inexpensive, here and there. Maybe buy a baby bottle one week and add it to a "baby" bin. (something devoted just to your future baby) A couple days later, you see the baby section at the store. Instead of quickly walking away because it's too painful, walk over proudly, look at the things you would get if you were already pregnant. Maybe buy a pair of socks or a onesie, or a pack of baby wipes. I recently bought a baby book and a baby frame. I plan to start writing letters and putting them into the baby book so my future child can read the struggles I went through to conceive him/her, and how much he/she means to me. The frame is aimed for my mother, so that when my husband and I found out we are pregnant, we'll take a picture of the first ultrasound and put it in the frame to give my Mom. The frame says "Grandma Loves Me" and we plan to use this to give her the happy news when we do get our BFP. These little things trigger a response in us. Our bodies are programmed to listen to our brains. As you're reading this, your brain is telling your eyes to move to each new word. It happens instantly. Think about this: we are so used to receiving negative HPT's and heartbreaking news that we almost lose hope. Our brain listens to what we say and in turn, over time, our body responds. I have said out loud and to myself for the last 2 years that "we aren't going to be able to have a baby. I'm giving up." and what do you know? My body has listened. I'm not saying this a cure in ANY way, but hell, it's worth a try. And best of all? It's positive, it's inexpensive, and it allows us to keep our dreams in our lives. I made a promise to myself, my husband and our future child that I will no longer say "We can't." Instead I will say "We will." And dammit, I will make myself believe it. I will do good things for my body. I will pray, practice yoga, take my vitamins, and slowly, build a collection of things for our unborn child. When that times comes for each of us, it will be that much more amazing. What's your positive new approach for TTC/IF? God Bless and BFP's to all you wonderful women out there! "
So after reading that I decided not to be upset or afraid to go to the baby section in stores and it's ok to look at maternity clothes. Since it's my Birthday and I'll do what I want to.. I checked out the maternity section at Kohls and found a tank top and kahki pants that after using my $10 kohls birthday money only cost $3.62. I was on a mission to find a maternity top that ADVERTISED that I am pregnant, but couldn't find one... Go figure Walmart/Kmart/Sears (the most likely to have an in your face I'm pregnant shirt) no longer have maternity sections. My last stop was Bergners... The maternity section was quite small, but I did find a single rack that said "Yellow Dot Sale $2.99." Well when I looked at the rack it had very nice tops, jeans, jean shorts, and dressier capri pants. I had to have the sales lady do a price check before I went wild! LoL I got 3 tops and a pair of shorts, black capris, and a pair of jeans for $19.33. I told my friend Erica about the sale and she went out there on her lunch and likely finished off the rack that I left behind. LoL
Now I just need to get through the next two weeks to get my positive results!!! =o)
Good for you! I cried reading this post. I am struggling so terribly now and am having a REALLY hard time being positive but that's going to be my focus for the day. Thinking ahead to the days when this is behind me and remembering the days I felt so good. I know I'll get there again.
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