Tired...

I'm so tired of everything... I'm tired of keeping track of my morning temp, I'm tired of tracking and timing my activities, I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of having to make appointments, I'm tired of bills, I'm tired of my job.... I'm tired of being around babies and pregnant people and hearing birth announcements and pregnancy announcements... I'm tired of giving out benefits on abortions and maternity care... I'm tired of having so many different emotions in a given day.

I feel guilty about the feelings that I have about others... I don't want to feel this way but I also know that it's normal, thanks to my support group. I don't like the jealousy and the distancing, but I can't help it. I find myself saying I don't care... but I do, and I should... but there's a part of me that just wants to throw it's hands up in the air and say I GIVE UP! Not on trying to have a baby and getting medical help... but I give up in understanding my emotions... I don't?! I mean I get it.. and I'm going to have them... and it's really not ME!? It's hard to explain.. and I'm sure this post looks like just a babbling blog... but Hey it's mine and I'll do what I want! lol

The Holidays are in full swing... I need to get our Christmas Card picture taken.. I'm not sure where to do it... our usual in front of the house shot, or somewhere else? I just don't know... I'm also participating in a Christmas Card mailing to the girls on my dailystrength.org infertility support group. I'm looking forward to sending out a card w/ my story along w/ receiving the same from others. It will make me feel special to have so many cards from so many people and in different locations but all with the same goal!

I have an appointment scheduled to meet with a new Dr. at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. It's going to be on Dec 14th @ 11am. Here's hoping we won't need to see him more than the one visit, but if 2nd IUI doesn't work I won't have to miss a beat.