No suprise...

My temp dropped this morning, so more than likely AF will be arriving in the very near future. I am getting frustrated... As soon as she shows up I'll call my nurse at my first Dr's office to let her know, then I'm going to ask new Dr's nurse if there's another Dr. that can to the sonohysterography while mine is out on vacation. I mean really... all he needs are pictures of the shape and what it looks like. THEN if there is still something not kosher in there I don't have to wait all the longer to try again!! GRRR I am tired of waiting and I am not a patient person and if God thinks he's going to succeed in teaching me patience, it will never work and it will only piss me off more and make things a million times worse.

I am also giving up on any control whatsoever - throwing my hands up in the air.... this Dr. is known for being among the top RE's in the area, so if he says to take 100 mg and get tons of follicles and do the IUI, well he's more experienced than I, so whatever. If he's only willing to do 2 more IUIs... well that is why I am not doing another before the sonogram procedure... I don't want to waste it.

That's my vent of the day.... there may be more in the coming days due to AF...

New RE

So on Wednesday I met with my new RE, Dr. Odem. He is the head of the Reproductive and Endocrinology Department at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. Which from what I hear they are top ranking/elite so to speak. Even with that being the case, I am somewhat apprehensive. I am used to the way I was treated and handled by my Dr's office and there's a lot of differences. For example, he said that he would have still gone ahead with the IUI when my Dr. wouldn't because of the 6 follicles that were found. This Dr. does not do ultrasound monitoring or HCG injections prior to the IUI procedure. He also doesn't do most of the IUI procedures, it's done by his nurse. Part of me felt like he was poo pooing the way my Dr's office was going about the treatment. And maybe that's a good thing and he'll be much more aggressive in getting me pregnant. It sounds like he's willing to do 2 more IUI procedures with Clomid before having to discuss the next step and options. He suggested that if this cycle does not produce a positive pregnancy test that I take off my next cycle as the timing of a procedure he wants to do would end up being while he is out on vacation. (the last week of December) He wants to do a sonohysterography to determine if my uterus is truely shaped and the septum is truely removed in full.

Right now I don't know what I'm going to do... He wants me to up my clomid to the dose that produced 6 follicles and... I just don't know anymore. I don't want to go back... I'm just hoping I get a positive on Thursday and I don't have to deal with this change or future choices... that will impact more than just me.

and that's all I can say right now.....

2 ww now...

2 ww stands for 2 week wait.. there are many new abbreviations I've learned through my online support group. Hehe

Well the IUI procedure was done yesterday morning. Bryan had the highest count he's ever had! I am attributing that to the fact that he hasn't been able to use the laptop for a few weeks. Studies have recently come out linking laptops that use WiFi to low sperm counts. So he will not be using the laptop for a while.

We're just waiting and hoping now... that's about it for now.

Take 2

So today I got my surge and went down to see my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) and the ultrasound showed 3 follicles again. I got my HCG injection and was sent on my way. The insemination is scheduled for tomorrow at 10:20 am.

As part of my "power of positive thinking" I stopped at Babies 'R Us today and picked up some Preggie Pops and two little pull toys that attach to the handle of the carseat. No harm in that... if I don't get pregnant I'll just give them to my friend Erica to try! LoL

I am scheduled to visit with a new Dr. in St. Louis, MO on 12/14. His name is Dr. Odem and he practices out of Washington University, which I have heard is a good facility. Hoping that all I have to do is meet him, but glad that I won't have any breaks in my treatment if I do have to continue with treatment.

Saying lots of prayers!!!

Tired...

I'm so tired of everything... I'm tired of keeping track of my morning temp, I'm tired of tracking and timing my activities, I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of having to make appointments, I'm tired of bills, I'm tired of my job.... I'm tired of being around babies and pregnant people and hearing birth announcements and pregnancy announcements... I'm tired of giving out benefits on abortions and maternity care... I'm tired of having so many different emotions in a given day.

I feel guilty about the feelings that I have about others... I don't want to feel this way but I also know that it's normal, thanks to my support group. I don't like the jealousy and the distancing, but I can't help it. I find myself saying I don't care... but I do, and I should... but there's a part of me that just wants to throw it's hands up in the air and say I GIVE UP! Not on trying to have a baby and getting medical help... but I give up in understanding my emotions... I don't?! I mean I get it.. and I'm going to have them... and it's really not ME!? It's hard to explain.. and I'm sure this post looks like just a babbling blog... but Hey it's mine and I'll do what I want! lol

The Holidays are in full swing... I need to get our Christmas Card picture taken.. I'm not sure where to do it... our usual in front of the house shot, or somewhere else? I just don't know... I'm also participating in a Christmas Card mailing to the girls on my dailystrength.org infertility support group. I'm looking forward to sending out a card w/ my story along w/ receiving the same from others. It will make me feel special to have so many cards from so many people and in different locations but all with the same goal!

I have an appointment scheduled to meet with a new Dr. at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. It's going to be on Dec 14th @ 11am. Here's hoping we won't need to see him more than the one visit, but if 2nd IUI doesn't work I won't have to miss a beat.

Failed!

Well the first IUI failed. I had just a twinge last nite and just knew... I cried it out in the shower. I still went and had my blood pregnancy test done just in case, since it hadn't started to be a full on flow yet. I went and had the labs drawn at 7:30 am... thinking I'd find out pretty quickly what the results were, but didn't find out until after I called at 10:30am and the nurse had to call the hospital and get the lab results and she called back around 11 to let me know it was negative and to come in for the biopsy.

Sherry came down with me so I wasn't alone. I wasn't quite sure what to expect... would it hurt and I would be too uncomfortable to drive or be totally fine? Turns out it wasn't that bad. I was a little concerned that they wouldn't be able to perform the biopsy because it felt like my flow had started, but they said it would be alright, actually it would be less painful if I had started somewhat. So I laid down and the nurse said that the "numbing procedures" take longer than the biopsy itself. She was right... she put a numbing gel on the cervix and then used a spray can of Solarcain to numb the cervix. That caused a burning tingling feeling. The nurse held out her hand to me and said you can use this for the pain, I'll let you know when she's going to start. Well that freaked me out and I said HOW BAD IS THIS GOING TO HURT??? The nurse said it all depends on your pain tolerance. Well when she did the actual biopsy it was like an OH! feeling and that was it... Maybe just 5 seconds of discomfort or less. They had me then lay with my feet up on the table for a few minutes. When the nurse came back in she told me to sit up slowly and take my time getting up. I thought, why?? LoL I was totally normal and fine. I don't know if I truely do have a high pain tolerance or what, but it didn't seem to be as big a deal as they made it out to be. So yay me! heh

The reason for the biopsy is to determine if there is any endometriosis internally, if the lining is conducive to egg implantation, and verifying that the lining and ovulation timing is accurate. I'll find out the results next week....

Let the countdown begin...

I just got a call from my nurse and we have the biopsy scheduled for 2pm tomorrow, pending blood pregnancy test results. She is going to fax in a "STAT" order for the bloodwork to be done and sent to her ASAP, and if we have a negative I'll be heading on down to Springfield again. So I'm thinking positively... I either am pregnant YAY! or I get some extra time off for the holidays and we find out if there's anything else we need help with to have a successful pregnancy. Win win is that positive way to look at it.... Now to just get through this crappy late shift day....