Thinking positive... or atleast trying to

This cycle I am using the OPK that my new RE recommended, Clear Blue Easy Digital, I really like it because I don't have to watch a clock or try to guess whether both lines are dark or one is darker than the other... it takes the guess work out of it. You see either an O or a :).. which of course the smiley face is your + result. Sadly... mine was today. I am hopeful though.. because if the Dr's didn't think it would be possible to get pregnant two days after a + they wouldn't have me coming down.

So to keep on the positive trend.. I happened to walk into Kohls today and sauntered past the Maternity clearance section.. and bought the 3 items above. I had to call my sister for support in buying the coat, it wasn't expensive, I just didn't know for sure if I'd be pregnant in winter. Glad I did though because it was a $150 jacket that was $22.50 and then I got an extra 15% off for using my Kohls card. Oh Kohls... what would we do without you?? LoL Plus, the color and style of the jacket is not going to be an issue.. it's not trendy at all, but practicle. =o)

At this office if you get a + on a Saturday, they aren't open/avail on Sundays, you have to be at the office at 7:30 am to give the sample and then be inseminated that morning. So we'll have to be leaving the house by 5am at the latest I believe. This trip we're going to be getting our oil changed and the dealership and I may be getting a haircut if I can find a decent place.

I'm hoping a lot of positives will be rolling my way.. as I just found out yesterday I was chosen to be able to work from home. I think I will really enjoy being in my own environment set up how I want and I won't have to deal with an "office" anymore. Well... right now once a month.. but we'll see if that changes! heh

That's the update for now!

A new cycle...

So I started my cycle, which I have to ask the Dr. which day to count as day one.. I won't get into details though.. haha

It's 2-3 days early.. which now has me somewhat upset because the Dr's office is not avail on Sundays and it appears that may be the day they'd have to do the IUI. Though, since it came early maybe it won't be regular either? Who knows...

On top of that... I thought I had nipped the jealousy, hurt, bummed out, saddness in the butt. I guess now that all my distractions are over my mindset has gone right back to what it was. It's kind of hard to think about your fertility issues when you're preparing to speak at your cousin's funeral, and hard to think about fertility issues when you're feeling sick and have bowel issues and stomach issues that you aren't able to fully treat all at once.

Now that those two things are over...... I just purchased a book from Amazon last night called, "Empty Womb, Aching Heart." I read the first chapter free online and the description.. I think it will help, and after I finish reading it I may recommend it to friends so they get an idea of what it's like on the other side. Not to shame them or make them feel bad or have like I'm shoving it in there face FEEL BAD FOR ME! but just to shed some additional light on what I'm really going through and can't always put into words, or really know why? But you'll be able to see that I'm not alone and it's "normal" so to speak... I hope that I can keep myself aware of how I'm feeling and reacting to everything and put in a good effort not to revert to old ways.

That's all for now.... just a couple weeks and we'll be doing the IUI!! Praying this one works... since I've added Maca root and have Erica's special baby tea leftovers. LoL

It's been a while...

Well to catch up on what has gone on... I had an internal ultrasound of my uterus where they filled the cavity with saline solution to check and see if I had any polyps or other uterine abnormalities. What they found appeard to be one, maybe two, polyp(s). (Sadly this happened to also be the day I found out that my dear cousin, whom I grew up with and would spend weeks at a time at my house over summer vacation, had committed suicide)

Since that incident occured, my priorities really changed. I am still working towards getting pregnant. I scheduled and had the polyp removed. My wonderful friends Sarah and Travis Jansen accompanied me and Bryan. Long story.. but I wasn't sure Bryan could go and since Cathy and Sherry weren't avail Sarah said she'd come with me. Well then it turned out to be Bryan's day off... and Travis ended up with the day off, and since Sarah and Travis were going to be heading to St. Louis anyways we all went together. The procedure was VERY NOT FUN!

We took this cycle off also, due to intestinal issues that have been occuring for me for over a month now. I didn't want to be pregnant if any surgical procedures or tests needed to be done. Fix myself and be healthy before I start taking care of a baby.

So that's the short story to bring you up to date... Should have AF visit 2/14 or 2/15 and then that cycle we'll be doing another IUI procedure with Clomid.

No suprise...

My temp dropped this morning, so more than likely AF will be arriving in the very near future. I am getting frustrated... As soon as she shows up I'll call my nurse at my first Dr's office to let her know, then I'm going to ask new Dr's nurse if there's another Dr. that can to the sonohysterography while mine is out on vacation. I mean really... all he needs are pictures of the shape and what it looks like. THEN if there is still something not kosher in there I don't have to wait all the longer to try again!! GRRR I am tired of waiting and I am not a patient person and if God thinks he's going to succeed in teaching me patience, it will never work and it will only piss me off more and make things a million times worse.

I am also giving up on any control whatsoever - throwing my hands up in the air.... this Dr. is known for being among the top RE's in the area, so if he says to take 100 mg and get tons of follicles and do the IUI, well he's more experienced than I, so whatever. If he's only willing to do 2 more IUIs... well that is why I am not doing another before the sonogram procedure... I don't want to waste it.

That's my vent of the day.... there may be more in the coming days due to AF...

New RE

So on Wednesday I met with my new RE, Dr. Odem. He is the head of the Reproductive and Endocrinology Department at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. Which from what I hear they are top ranking/elite so to speak. Even with that being the case, I am somewhat apprehensive. I am used to the way I was treated and handled by my Dr's office and there's a lot of differences. For example, he said that he would have still gone ahead with the IUI when my Dr. wouldn't because of the 6 follicles that were found. This Dr. does not do ultrasound monitoring or HCG injections prior to the IUI procedure. He also doesn't do most of the IUI procedures, it's done by his nurse. Part of me felt like he was poo pooing the way my Dr's office was going about the treatment. And maybe that's a good thing and he'll be much more aggressive in getting me pregnant. It sounds like he's willing to do 2 more IUI procedures with Clomid before having to discuss the next step and options. He suggested that if this cycle does not produce a positive pregnancy test that I take off my next cycle as the timing of a procedure he wants to do would end up being while he is out on vacation. (the last week of December) He wants to do a sonohysterography to determine if my uterus is truely shaped and the septum is truely removed in full.

Right now I don't know what I'm going to do... He wants me to up my clomid to the dose that produced 6 follicles and... I just don't know anymore. I don't want to go back... I'm just hoping I get a positive on Thursday and I don't have to deal with this change or future choices... that will impact more than just me.

and that's all I can say right now.....

2 ww now...

2 ww stands for 2 week wait.. there are many new abbreviations I've learned through my online support group. Hehe

Well the IUI procedure was done yesterday morning. Bryan had the highest count he's ever had! I am attributing that to the fact that he hasn't been able to use the laptop for a few weeks. Studies have recently come out linking laptops that use WiFi to low sperm counts. So he will not be using the laptop for a while.

We're just waiting and hoping now... that's about it for now.

Take 2

So today I got my surge and went down to see my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) and the ultrasound showed 3 follicles again. I got my HCG injection and was sent on my way. The insemination is scheduled for tomorrow at 10:20 am.

As part of my "power of positive thinking" I stopped at Babies 'R Us today and picked up some Preggie Pops and two little pull toys that attach to the handle of the carseat. No harm in that... if I don't get pregnant I'll just give them to my friend Erica to try! LoL

I am scheduled to visit with a new Dr. in St. Louis, MO on 12/14. His name is Dr. Odem and he practices out of Washington University, which I have heard is a good facility. Hoping that all I have to do is meet him, but glad that I won't have any breaks in my treatment if I do have to continue with treatment.

Saying lots of prayers!!!